The importance of resilience

Resilience is an important skill to have, but it’s one a lot of us struggle with. When something bad happens, it can feel insurmountable and prevent us concentrating on anything else for the rest of the day.

There are a number of issues you might face during school that will test your resilience, such as getting a bad mark, fighting with a friend or family member, feeling like you’re not getting anywhere in your studies, or having no idea what you want to do when you finish school.

Resilience helps us overcome the more difficult times in our life and helps us work through our problems in a reasonable way. We won’t all be successful all the time, so it’s important to be able to deal with the big or small things life throws at us.

You might say something like “I’m just not very good at dealing with my problems” or “I often overreact”. But resilience is not only based on our personality and characteristics. It’s also influenced by contextual factors, such as having a great support network and stable accommodation and finances. While you might not have the power to change these factors, there are some things you can do to improve your resilience.

Improving your resilience is not a quick fix – it requires long-term effort, and you might not improve straight away.

When something bad happens, you want to be able to think things through clearly. Try to take the time to engage with your problems rationally, rather than reacting emotionally. You can also think the problem through and analyse whether it’s really as bad as you think. If your brain immediately jumps to catastrophic situations, see if you can create an alternative scenario in your head. One thing I like to do is think, “Will this problem matter tomorrow? In one month? What about in a year?” This can help put some things into perspective.

When something unpleasant happens, you can also try to take action. Some people become paralysed by their problems, and find that when something goes wrong, they react by doing nothing. While you should certainly stop and think about what’s happened, you should also try to take some kind of action to overcome or work around the issue, and learn some strategies to boost your resilience to the situation.

You can also work on some things over a longer period of time that will help you to develop strategies for promoting resilience and developing self-awareness of your emotions and how you react. Start by reading this information page from Kids Helpline. Use the strategies listed as a starting point to digging deeper into how they might be able to help you. A great place to start is by asking someone you respect how he or she copes. Asking someone you have a strong connection with is a good place to start, because often how they deal with situations should resonate with you.

Learning to accept change as a normal part of life can help you adjust to different situations and problems more easily. Learning to become more optimistic by keeping a positive view of yourself and the world around you also helps you move on from small problems.

It’s also a good idea to practice self-care so that when something testing does happen, you are better equipped to deal with it. This includes things like sleeping well, eating healthily, getting some exercise, maintaining positive relationships, or even something small like having a bath or reading a book.

When uneasy things do happen, take the time to reflect on what happened and how you dealt with it. Even if you didn’t react in a way you would like to repeat, you can learn from that mistake. If you got a bad mark and reacted by ignoring that subject altogether, you can start fresh today by choosing to study that subject. If you had a fight with a friend, you can learn from the situation by thinking what you wouldn’t do next time you’re in a similar situation.

It’s also important to remember that even though being resilient and looking out for yourself is a great skill to have, you should also ask for help if you need it. Your family, friends and school will provide assistance if you’re struggling. Or you can seek advice from Kids Helpline by calling 1800 55 1800.